That night, for the very first time, I submitted my work to a publisher – and Mamamia bought it the very next day. I poured a glass of wine, opened my laptop and wrote an article. But then, one night, I felt the overwhelming urge to write about it. For a few months I felt lost and depressed. Every day I spoke to that life within me, amazed and delighted that it had turned up. We were a little scared but I was actually thrilled. The very next cycle I had after I saw you, I fell pregnant entirely by accident. We still wanted to be careful but my thinking had changed from ‘one day’ to ‘one day soon’. I signed up for an online journalism course and I fatefully told my husband I was open to the idea of having a family sooner than we had planned. I left your office no longer afraid of writing or children. Quite simply I was overwhelmed and trying to ‘taste’ every experience I could before my time at the table was up. I felt my soul had been starving in this previous life and in this life I found myself at a buffet.
When I left the session, so many things made sense – my constant anxiety about falling pregnant, thinking a baby would ‘ruin’ my life, the endometriosis I had developed, how long it took me to meet my husband, my fear of writing and my constant changing of university degrees.
I died an old woman, addicted to laudanum and completely numb to herself and the world.
I resented my husband trapping me in a domestic life where I couldn’t use my intellect. In this life, I had resented my child during the pregnancy but then come to love him fiercely as I raised him. I honestly didn’t realise I had felt that way until we went back to a past life where all I wanted was to study and write and having a child severely limited my options. I was surprised in the session to spend some time on a fear of pregnancy and motherhood.
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